There's a woman in my yoga class that is quite old and seemingly out of shape. She pushes herself so hard in class that I fear for her life. No shit. I fear for her life. I don't necessarily want to give her CPR, either. She's nasty. So I really need her to take better care of herself in class. Do you feel me?
Today she was over there grunting and huffing around. The teacher even asked her if she was okay at one point. Staying in Adho Mukha Svanasana or Downward Dog pose, she gave out a big grunt and said she was fine. I thought, "Please Lady! Take it easy over there. It's ok. You're no spring chicken, for cryin' out loud."
One day that will be me. Struggling to get into a pose that no one in their right mind should be able to get into. I'll struggle and grunt and pretend that I'm okay. Some bitch sitting next to me will go to work and write about it in her blog. I think Ratt said it best when they said, "What comes around goes around."
So, we're back from Austin. The Scheme rocked Buffalo Billiards. I'm so happy I was there to witness it. Ian is my very own rock star. How cool is that? Very. That's how.
While we were in Austin, I saw Neko Case walking down the street. I leaned out of the car and screamed, "I love you Neko!!!" She turned around, waved, smiled and said, "HEY!" I was so excited that I cried. Just a little. No heavy sobs or anything. Just a few poignant tears of joy.
We didn't have wrist bands or any stinking badges, so we couldn't get into any shows while we were there. However, we did get to see Mary Lou Lord play on the street two nights in a row. On the second night, she was taking a break, so I went over to tell her how cool she is. This is how the conversation went.
Me: Hi. You were really good last night. I enjoyed hearing you.
MLL: Thank you! You were standing over there, (points to where I was standing the night before) right?
Me: Yes. You remember me?
MLL: Well, you're so cute!
Then I shook her hand, told her my name and ran over to Ian and Micki (my little sister) to report in. I was so excited that she had remembered me. I am such a huge dork. But that totally made my night.
I'm inspired now to really learn how to play that acoustic guitar that Ian bought me months ago. Maybe someday I too can play and sing like Neko and Mary Lou. And if nothing else, I can pursue that dream to whatever end it takes me to. I'm willing to take that risk.
My last entry was so dark that I thought I'd lighten things up a bit. (twiddling thumbs) Ummmmmmmm..........I can't think of anything. Sorry, I tried.
Wait, there was one thing. This morning in yoga class when we were transitioning from one pose to the next, my yoga instructor said, "Swing your arm around like your playing an air guitar. Airguitarasana." Bwahahaha. I swear! I get such a kick out of this guy and his made up yoga words. He cracks me up.
Ok, if you don't take yoga class or you don't give a rats ass about yoga, this won't be funny. I suggest then that you move along to the next blog.
And may I suggest you move along and urge my beautiful friend, Kris to update. She is SO funny and I love to read her posts imagining that I can hear exactly how she would say it. I've almost got all her mannerisms down and vocal inflections. Yes, I'm that friend. The annoying "I can impersonate you," friend. But at least I perform it to the actual person. If they like it, it's a keeper. If they frown, I apologize and never do it again. Well, as far as they know. (wringing hands and furrowing brow.) But Kris seems to enjoy it. She is just TOO cute.
I have no witty ending to this blog entry. Goodbye.
When I was a senior in high school I was at the most dangerous stage of my anorexia. MY anorexia. Funny, I still say it like it's a badge of honor. I was that girl that when people would say, "Jesus Tracy, you look like death." I would smile and simply say, "Thank you." Oh, and I meant it. I loved that feeling of being thin. Too thin didn't matter. I was thin and you were jealous.
On the day that the blood donor van came to our school, we all waited in line to do our part. I walked into the van where I was horrified to see a full sized doctors office scale. They were weighing everyone before they stuck them for their blood. I was afraid for anyone to see how much I weighed. Not because I thought they would discover how little I weighed but that I STILL thought I was too heavy and didn't want to be humiliated. But what happened next took my sick mind to a whole new level of glee.
The nurse said, "I'm sorry, honey but you don't weigh enough to give blood." I felt like I was winning the academy award for skinniest senior. When I looked at the nurse, she had a frightened look on her face. She asked me to sit down because she wanted to talk privately with me. Well, I wasn't going to sit there and let this jealous woman tell me that I was too thin. I just gave her a blank look and walked away.
Blah blah blah. I recovered from that awful disease but from time to time I slip back into that sick thinking. Today I was walking to my office after lunch. There was a table of college students asking passers-by to sign up to donate blood. Here's what briefly went through my mind, "They asked me to donate because I'm fat. Clearly I weigh enough to give blood." Do you believe that? First of all, I'm far from fat. But why do I care what someone else thinks of me?
I've been working on that for awhile and I guess what I know is that these thoughts pass through my mind but they don't hang out and rule me anymore. Progress.
Ian and I went to a play last night called The Chairs. When I go to plays, I either leave knowing full well that I got it and understood it. OR I leave thinking, "Wait a minute. What the hell just happened?" I look around at the smug faces of all the people pretending that they got it and I believe that they did. I leave feeling like the biggest dumbtard alive.
But last night as we were walking to the car I blurted out, "I didn't get it! It wasn't very good." You have no idea how hard it was for me to say that. So, we discussed it, like adults.
Ok, so here is my point. The person that doesn't want to say what she really thinks is that child that doesn't want to be embarrassed by not getting it. The person who says what she really thinks is the adult in me, hungry to learn and grow. Eager to be heard but not validated.
Why did it take me 39 years to figure that out? I haven't a clue. But what freedom it is to have an opinion AND to be open to the discussion that follows.
I've added three lovely and HIGHsterical boys to my side bar. Jason, Sean and William Ted.
Warning: You need to do many sit-ups prior to reading their blogs. Otherwise you will pull a stomach muscle from laughter. Oh, and maybe you should have a firm grip on your asses too, just in case you are tempted to laugh your ass off. Badum Chhhhhh.
But seriously, they make me laugh so I wanted to share them with all of you. Enjoy.
Yesterday was summer. Today is winter. I don't know how I'm supposed to dress anymore. This is truly a dilemma. See, I pack my clothes at night to wear the next day. I work out in the morning. Why don't you watch the news, you may ask. Well, I do but it turns out that they are faking it. The weather people have no idea what they're talking about.
So, each day I have to wing it. Today, I assumed it would be summer just like yesterday. I packed a cute little flimsy skirt. A peasant top and a jean jacket. Oh, and sandals. At 6AM I decided to throw some knee high boots in my bag just in case the weather turned on me. Well, the haze never burned off. It's freezing and miserable.
A friend from work brought in a long, thick black skirt to give to me today. Thank god for that. So, I'm wearing a totally different outfit than the one that I brought to wear today. Maybe I should bring in part of my wardrobe and store it here at work for just such occasions. OR perhaps the weather man/woman could tell the truth............for once!! Assholes!
Monday, March 31, 2003
