It's that time of year again. Everywhere you go there are card tables set up on the sidewalks. Two little girls and at least four adult women yelling " Girl Scout Cookies!!!"
Evil, I tell you. I try to walk past the table but my legs take me there against my will. And I buy two boxes of thin mints. My favorite.
It happened this morning. I was going to get my coffee. There they were with their shiny boxes of cookies and their plotting grins. They know that their cookies are addictive. The reason must be that we only get them once a year. So we yearn for them for 11 months and then on the 12th month when they are available, we go nuts. I for one, cannot resist the power of the Girl Scout cookies.
So, I will place my boxes of thin mints in the freezer and pretend like I will not eat them all today. And I will not share. No, I will not. "Hello, my name is Tracy and I am a Girl Scout cookie addict."
I was feeling guilty about my blog and how unpolitical it is. Especially now in these really scary times. I consulted with my husband on AIM. Here is our conversation.
millertrc: i feel like my blog is crap and trite
millertrc: not talking about the war. just that i look like britney. how fucking dumb.
Ian87sf: oh baby
Ian87sf: takes all kinds
Ian87sf: i feel like that too sometimes tho
millertrc: it just reads like i'm super shallow
Ian87sf: yeah?
Ian87sf: i don't think so
millertrc: really?
Ian87sf: but honestly '
millertrc: yes
Ian87sf: if everything was war war war, that would suck ass
millertrc: true
Ian87sf: we need britney now more than ever.
millertrc: LOL
millertrc: i love you
Ian87sf: i think you should post this as your blog entry.
millertrc: cool. i will
Ian87sf: nice.
Ian87sf: i should say something really embarrassing now then
millertrc: make with the funny then, jerry.
Ian87sf: ummmm
Ian87sf: ovaltine?
millertrc: nice
millertrc: comedy gold
On Saturday night I was hanging out at Ian's show. This woman stopped me and said, "Do you know who you look like?" I said that I didn't know and she said,"Britney Spears."
Now, to me that is a compliment for a couple of reasons. One that I'm like a million years older than Ms. Spears, so that must mean I look young and the other thing is that she's ummmmmm................HOT. So, I was all tra lalala and decided to blurt out the good news to all of my friends. I had some mixed reactions.
One person said, "WHAT? What a bitch! Did you tell her to go fuck herself?" I just said, "Umm, no. Britney's hot! I took it as a compliment."
Another friend said, "Is that the look you were going for?" I said, "No, I mean, I was, ummm. Britney's hot."
There were also the friends that said, "Oh my god. I can totally see that." LOVE these friends. But the truth is that the friends who said they could totally see that are probably big fat liars. They just saw my enthusiasm and went for it. haha. Ah well, a bit of an ego stroke is just what the doctor ordered.
Ok, I'll start this out with a cheer. The introduce yourself cheer. But you pronounce it innerduce yerself. Oh, the hours of fun we had with this one. Good times..........
Check us out
The HORNET team will win no doubt
We'll fight with all our might
And win this game tonight
Show your spirit's above the rest
Yell with us
Yell L-M-H-S!
All the cheerleaders except the person you're asking:
"Hey JENNIFER?"
Cheerleader that you are talking to (ex. JENNIFER)
"Hey what?"
All the cheerleaders:
"Introduce yourself."
Cheerleader:
"No way!"
All:
"Introduce yourself."
Cheerleader:
"Okay 1-2-3-4-5 My name is JENNIFER and I say HI 6-7-8-9-10"
if the cheerleader is in the back row she says:
"Lets move it up and meet my friend"
if the cheerleader is in the front row she says:
"Lets back it up and meet my friend"
Then you start all over and go through all the cheerleaders! It's a lot of fun!
You are all now honorary cheerleaders. Welcome. Now off you go. Wave your spirit stick high and cheer to your hearts content. Always remember to stomp and clap and insert pauses wherever possible. Jumps are also encouraged. Such as the toe touch. Or the herkie. That should get you started. Enjoy your inner cheerleader!!!
PMS has rendered me speechless or typeless. I honestly can't think of anything to write about that I haven't already written about over and over again. Like getting my vagina waxed, or the ever popular, "A funny thing happened at Yoga class this morning." I mean, what the hell? Or what the cock? As my friend Kris would say.
At some point I am going to regale you with each and every cheerleading memory I possess. Every cheerleading camp story I can come up with. Good times.
And maybe I'll write about growing up as a PK (preacher's kid.) And how that shaped me as a person. All sorts of funny shapes.
Or about my first marriage at 18 years of age and its demise at 18 1/2 years of age. This ones good, cause it involves Texans and pigs. Real pigs and the people that raise them for slaughter. It's no wonder that I'm a vegetarian.
So, I leave you to pick. Which one would you like to hear about first? You, the faithful viewer, decide. All three or four of you. Vote today. Don't delay.
Oh, and another thing is that Ian and I were showered with compliments by a stranger called William Ted. I love it...I LOVE it.
When I was in the fifth grade, I had a traumatic experience. Only two days before Valentines Day, my boyfriend and I got into a big fight. I think he said something like, "I quit you." That's what we did in the south. We "went with" people. That means going out like exclusive and junk. And when you got bored you "quit" that person. Which means being dumped. Anyway it was the first time I had been "quit." I mean, I was the Christmas Queen for cryn' out loud. What was he THINKing.
As a result I freaked out. Insecurity set in for the first time in my short little life. I frantically went from boy to boy asking them to be my boyfriend and they all said no. Even at ten years old they could smell desperation and it scared them. And rightly so. They knew that I just wanted to be someone's valentine. Finally, Keith with the glass eye, said yes. The other little 10 year old boys, especially the boy who had quit me, convinced Keith the glass eyed boy to break my heart on Valentines Day.
On that fateful February 14th, I waited for my card and candy but all I got was this.
Keith: I quit you.
Tracy: .......
Keith: Happy Valentines Day.
Tracy:.........(sniff sniff) GLASS EYE!
Ok, I didn't really say that. I just slithered away and cried. But I wish I would have said that. He was right to have quit me. I was going to quit him the next day. I just wanted some fucking candy.
I learned a lot from that experience. If you get quit, hold your head high and move on proudly. And don't rush around trying to fill that position just to get candy on Valentines Day, you'll get hurt by a boy with a glass eye.
Now back to reality. Today I have a beautiful love with someone who shows me daily with adoration, affection, interest, and friendship that I am his special girl. I know that I am one of the lucky ones. So, to Ian I say, "Baby, Baby, Baby..........I love you baby."
I was at the grocery store last night. I'm standing in line when I hear this woman screaming at her child. She said, "Come over here before I punch you in your fuckin' face!" I froze. Is that a healthy response? Anyway, I was paying for my food when.........BLAM.......SPLASH! Orange drink EVERYwhere. This poor child had dropped the gallon of orange punch she was lugging. Her mother called her some names and when the security guard asked the little girl if she dropped the jug of orange colored water, she said calmly and with purpose, "No."
I have no witty remarks to go with that. It just happened, that's all.
I had this really strange dream last night. I was stuck in traffic. The man in the car ahead of me was road raging with the person in the next car. Suddenly we were all out of our cars and just walking in line somewhere. I was patting the road rager guy on the back to calm him. I said, "Don't rage.......umm........Sage?" We all laughed and then marched off to our anti-war rally.
I couldn't have made either one of those things up. It's a crazy world. Somebody oughta sell tickets. I'd buy one.
In yoga class today, the instructor said, "In this pose you must lengthen your arm pits. One of the benefits of yoga is you get longer in the arm pits." He ends with a big goofy grin, like this revelation will make us all go, "oooooo, ahhhhhhhhh."
Hmmm......why is this a benefit? So, I'm going to have a larger area to cover with my deodorant? I don't see the benefit of that. Too time consuming AND I will run out of the stuff sooner. Well maybe it's a benefit if you have someone in a headlock. You can hold them there longer.
Last night there was an incredibly LOUD wind storm. I'm surprised my house didn't just up and take flight. I went to bed reasonably early. Lights out no later than 11PM. The wind began to howl and scream from like 11:30 until 6:30AM. And I lay awake. During all of this crazy howling wind, I had to go outside several times to see what the hell just hit the deck or the house and bring moveable objects inside. It was truly like a tornado that lasted 8 hours. Awful.
Anyway, I look like hell today as a result. You know you look bad when people come up to you just to say, "You look tired." They might as well say, "Jeez, what happened to you? You look like hell. So so ugly." Cuz, that's what I hear. That says more about me, though. In fact, it says more than I really want to reveal so I'd better shut the fuck up.
Just wanted to say that I have nothing to say. I'm operating on lack of sleep and lots of coffee. Not a bad combination until the coffee wears off.
So until I feel better, I cannot update this here blog. At least not with anything interesting. I will leave you with a conversation I just overheard.
Girl: Hey! How are you?
Boy: I'm fine. You?
Girl: I'm FREEZING.
Boy: (incredulous) WHY?!
Girl: (confused) ummm, because it's cold?
That's all I heard. I'm guessing they don't really like each other. Or maybe it was all laced with sexual frustration and innuendo and it went right over my head.
Friday, February 28, 2003
